My therapist (himself an ordained minister) broadly sorts churches into two categories: churches whose functional goal is control of people, and churches whose goal is life enhancement. It’s a broad brush, open for nuance, and certainly one that many churches (especially ones my therapist would put in the control category) would dispute. But as broad categories I find them helpful to think through the impact of how a church’s teaching and culture actually affect people. Regardless of labels or stated purpose, a system’s designed purpose is, ultimately, what it produces. (In Jesus’ words: you will know them by their fruit.)

With that preamble, I’ve been reading Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing by Hillary L. McBride, PhD. I’m only about a quarter of the way in, but yesterday I ran into the chapter where she discusses the characteristics of an abusive spiritual environment, and… oof.

Here are some examples of how control is enacted.

Interpersonal or Social Control

  • Cutting off relationship with others outside the group
  • Limiting the kinds of information people have access to, especially if it challenges the thinking of or control/power held by the leaders
  • Creating a strong in-group bias that renders those in the out-group as bad
  • Creating demands on time and community commitments that limit contact with out-groups

Financial Control

  • Requiring a portion of income to go to the religious group
  • Expecting people to volunteer excessively, even if doing so negatively affects other areas of their lives
  • Limiting women’s access to education or employment
  • Guilting or pressuring individuals to give even more money to the community and suggesting that in return all their needs will be provided for (by God or by the community)

Physical and Behavioral Control

  • Suppressing sexuality when not within the boundaries of heterosexual marriage
  • Defining and policing expressions of sexuality in general
  • Creating strict expectations about dress
  • Creating moral superiority around categories of food and eating behaviors
  • Holding expectations about leisure activities, including what can be read or watched, and shaming and devaluing behavior that is not “like the group”

Psychological Control

  • Shaming and devaluing development of or connection to the self, and communicating that the self (and self-trust or knowing) is bad or sinful
  • Forbidding critical thinking and encouraging self-policing of thoughts and emotions
  • Suppressing of emotion outside worship experiences
  • Praising blind faith while discouraging critical thinking or questioning
  • Making decisions for individuals about career choices, dating and marriage, or hobbies/giftings
  • Requiring giving authority for one’s life to the leaders
  • Promoting black-and-white thinking

When I compare those to my religious upbringing and adult life in conservative evangelical Christianity, by my count I have experienced at least 19 out of 20. And was taught that this was normal and good.

I’ve still got a lot of unpacking to do.