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Familiar hymns, alternate tunes
Yesterday in church we sang “My Hope Is Built On Nothing Less” as the recessional. But rather than singing it to the tune SOLID ROCK, which was traditional in my childhood churches, the setting in the Episcopal hymnal is MELITA, which is best known as the US Navy Hymn “Eternal Father, Strong to Save”.
My brain being what it is, it spent the rest of the afternoon processing through what other hymn texts have the 8.8.8.8.8.8 meter and could be sung to MELITA. While Hymnary lists hundreds of them, in the end my brain fixed on one and wouldn’t let go: “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel”.
I mean, I’m not advising it would be a good match… but it’s a metrical fit. Kinda creepy.
Against the Machine: Paul Kingsnorth’s dangerous, unjustified dream
After hearing some online buzz about Paul Kingsnorth’s new book Against the Machine: On the Unmaking of Humanity, I got it from the library and sat down with it this week. And boy, do I have some thoughts.
Kingsnorth is an English writer in his early 50s who has variously been a journalist, ecological activist, Buddhist, Wiccan, and anti-globalist. He converted to the Romanian Orthodox Church in 2020. Against the Machine is categorized by its publisher as social science, but after reading it the first word that comes to mind is “jeremiad”.
Through the first two sections of the book I found myself frequently nodding my head in agreement with Kingsnorth’s description and critique of what he calls the Machine: the amalgamation of technology, capitalism, globalism, and the embrace of “progress” that have the tendency to dehumanize, to unmoor us from place, to tempt us to forget the realities that make us human. Think Wendell Berry (who is quoted in the epigraph) if Berry was a Gen X English Wiccan.
But then…
Then starting with part 3, Kingsnorth turns the corner toward offering critiques of modern systems and events, and here’s where he starts to go off the rails. It’s not that there isn’t some merit to most of his critiques. It’s that he cherry picks examples and quotes, doesn’t engage with the substance of arguments when he can just use an out-of-context quote to illustrate his point, and when facts are scarce he makes unfounded assertions and hopes you’ll accept them without challenge.
He spends a couple chapters arguing that Artificial Intelligence is, more or less, the Antichrist. He criticizes the advance of technology largely by treating the wild futurist predictions of Kevin Kelly and Ray Kurzweil as if they would be implemented in every home tomorrow. Rather than honestly engaging with the transhumanist evolutionary thought of Pierre Teillhard, he quotes a throw-away one-line quote from Teillhard scholar Ilia Delio from a 2019 Vox article as if it sums up the whole position.
He inveighs equally against the political right and left, saying that they all promote The Machine, that it’s just a matter of scale and intensity. He decries fascism but in the next breath rails against progressive thought; he dismisses anyone who would utter the phrase “dead white men”, saying that “we know what happens” when a culture stops honoring its elders.
In one chapter he addresses gender and clearly positions himself as anti-trans. But rather than trying to engage the topic with any seriousness, his entire basis for his argument is a first-person anecdote about talking to a new acquaintance who relates discomfort at having a transgender son. And that’s it. Case closed.
Can we talk about reality?
Kingsnorth seems to idealize a pre-modern, pre-technical age, but doesn’t ever deal with the thought that the same scientific techniques that could be abused have also created great good and great improvement to human life. At one point he seems dismayed about the West “forcing” vaccines onto Africa. Might one think instead that vaccines have brought a significant improvement of life to Africans who otherwise might die from preventable diseases?
Take any of Kingsnorth’s arguments to their logical conclusions and it would seem we should be living in small hunter-gatherer clans with 30-year life expectancies and no more technology than maybe a wheel to help us along. He concedes that maybe living in towns would be OK if they’re no larger than the 150 or so people Plato describes being within the sound of a human voice, and he idealizes a sort of Dark Ages jack-of-all-trades substistent household. (Did such a thing actually exist?) The Machine he critiques isn’t an invention of the Enlightenment or even the Romans or Greeks; it’s been a part of human civilization for as far back as we have historical record. One might assume that, had he lived in a different time, Kingsnorth would be the cave dweller telling his next-cave neighbor that the folks living in the newfangled stand-alone shelter were hopelessly on the path toward inhumanity because they would never appreciate the earthy experience of breathing the smoke from a cooking fire while the fire’s shadows danced on the cave walls.
There are a few thin chapters at the end of the book where Kingsnorth tries to answer the inevitable question: “so what should we do”? He admits that he himself “cautiously accept[s] that using the technology of the Machine to resist the Machine can be of benefit.” And so his practical advice sounds familiar to what you will hear others saying, others in whom he might find allies if he hadn’t just spent chapters excoriating them. “Live on the margins.” “Speak truth and try to live it.” “Set your boundaries and refuse to step over them.” “Find our liminal spaces.” “Retreat to create.” “Be awkward and hard to grasp.” “Build your zone of cultural refusal.” It puts me in mind of what the kids say these days when someone is too wound up online: “touch grass”.
If Paul Kingsnorth is happy living his Luddite life in Ireland, God bless him. But after reading Against the Machine I can firmly say his vision for the world sure isn’t mine. Even if we could go back on millennia of scientific advances, the world would not be a better place for it. The challenge of humanity is not fantasizing about going back but in learning how to go forward.
Theology from love or terror?
A couple dots I connected yesterday: while the explicit evangelical gospel message I grew up with was very clearly taught in church as salvation by grace through faith in Jesus, via no merit of my own, the implicit message in all the community discussions was that salvation was only assured if your doctrine, and your ability to verbalize that doctrine, were good enough.
My grandparents on both sides were lifelong faithful practicing Christians, Methodist and Lutheran. And yet I remember my parents’ agonized discussions about whether or not those grandparents’ salvation “was genuine” because they didn’t articulate clearly the concept of “lordship salvation”.
Which leads me to wondering this morning: did I become a theology nerd because I was just really interested in God and religious beliefs? Or did I become a theology nerd out of some below-the-surface existential fear for my eternal damnation?
As I near age 50 it’s time to make lemonade out of those lemons, regardless. But it’s a sobering question.
Richard Beck on loving Christianity (and really, loving certainty) more than loving Christ
It’s been a while since I’ve linked a Richard Beck post, but man oh man does he nail it today with his observations about young, aggressive converts to Orthodoxy and Catholicism. (I’d venture that in previous years we could’ve said this about “cage stage” Calvinist/Presbyterian converts, too.)
A lot of the negative and aggressive energy inserted into these debates is from men who have become recent converts to Orthodoxy. You might be aware of this trend and it’s impact upon Christian social media. The main take of these Orthodox converts is that every branch of Christianity, from Catholics to evangelicals, is a theological failure. Heretical, even. Only Orthodoxy preserves the one true faith.
This conceit, however, isn’t limited to the very online Orthodox. There are also aggressive Catholics who denigrate Protestantism. And in response to these Orthodox and Catholic attacks, there have arisen aggressive Protestant defenders.
Here’s my hot take. I think many of these loud and aggressive converts are more in love with Christianity than they are with Christ. They love the creeds, the church fathers, the liturgy, the saints, the history, the culture of Christendom, the doctrine, the dogma, the theology, the Tradition. What they don’t seem to love very much is Jesus, as evidenced in their becoming belligerent social media trolls.
But where does the vitriol come from? Beck says it’s “fear, plain and simple”. I think he’s right on this, too.
This is one reason we’re seeing so many young men gravitate away from evangelicalism toward Orthodoxy and Catholicism. As sola scriptura Protestants these young men were raised as epistemic foundationalists. In standing on Scripture they stood on a firm, solid, and unshakeable foundation of Truth. The Bible provided them with every answer to every question. Epistemically, they were bulletproof. They were right and everyone who disagreed with them was wrong. This certainty provided existential comfort and consolation. Dogmatism was a security blanket.
Then they went off to seminary or down some YouTube rabbit hole and discovered that “Scripture alone” was hermeneutical quicksand. Suddenly, the edifice of security began to crumble. Where to turn? Where to find a firm and unassailable foundation? The Tradition! One type of foundationalism (the Bible alone) was exchanged for another (the Tradition). In both cases, the evangelical need for bulletproof certainty remained a constant. There has to be some “correct” place to land in the ecclesial landscape. It’s utopianism in theological dress. But the underlying anxiety curdles the quest. Especially if, once the “one true church” is found, the old evangelical hostility and judgmentalism toward out-group members resurfaces. The underlying neurotic dynamic is carried over. Fundamentalism is merely rearranged. In order to feel secure and safe I need to scapegoat outsiders. Their damnation is proof of my salvation, their heresy confirms my orthodoxy.
Yes to all this. One of the big challenges I’ve found myself facing as I left evangelicalism and joined the Episcopal church is to be ok with the uncertainty; to accept that each tradition has its own foibles and messes. Another Beck post more than seven years ago prompted me to write (among other things) that even the most erudite theologian must be wrong on at least 5-10% of their theology. And if so, then certainty of “rightness” as the (usually unacknowledged) base of my security of salvation is inherently shaky ground.
All these years later I am more convinced than ever that the “conversion” I need isn’t from one denomination or tradition to another, but a conversion from a confidence rooted in my own belief’s rightness to a confidence rooted in God’s love for me and evidenced by my love for Jesus and my neighbor.
The effect of high-control environments on a child’s personal development
Another quote from Holy Hurt that feels just a little too relevant:
[I]n religious and family environments that are governed by fear and control, some of the normal things that need to happen to help kids grow into healthy selves don’t get to happen. The developmental steps - even the basic ones around agency, self-responsibility and life choices, boundaries, rule breaking, and rebellion - are impaired through shame, punishment, fear, control, and restricted agency. If development is about becoming more of oneself, and in these environments the self is considered untrustworthy, sinful, or an obstacle to spiritual maturity, then these environments and the people in them will often do whatever they can to eradicate or impair the development and expression of the self.
As a result, these high-control environments often keep people stuck in a state of psychological and social immaturity…
Characteristics of Spiritual Control
My therapist (himself an ordained minister) broadly sorts churches into two categories: churches whose functional goal is control of people, and churches whose goal is life enhancement. It’s a broad brush, open for nuance, and certainly one that many churches (especially ones my therapist would put in the control category) would dispute. But as broad categories I find them helpful to think through the impact of how a church’s teaching and culture actually affect people. Regardless of labels or stated purpose, a system’s designed purpose is, ultimately, what it produces. (In Jesus’ words: you will know them by their fruit.)
With that preamble, I’ve been reading Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing by Hillary L. McBride, PhD. I’m only about a quarter of the way in, but yesterday I ran into the chapter where she discusses the characteristics of an abusive spiritual environment, and… oof.
Here are some examples of how control is enacted.
Interpersonal or Social Control
- Cutting off relationship with others outside the group
- Limiting the kinds of information people have access to, especially if it challenges the thinking of or control/power held by the leaders
- Creating a strong in-group bias that renders those in the out-group as bad
- Creating demands on time and community commitments that limit contact with out-groups
Financial Control
- Requiring a portion of income to go to the religious group
- Expecting people to volunteer excessively, even if doing so negatively affects other areas of their lives
- Limiting women’s access to education or employment
- Guilting or pressuring individuals to give even more money to the community and suggesting that in return all their needs will be provided for (by God or by the community)
Physical and Behavioral Control
- Suppressing sexuality when not within the boundaries of heterosexual marriage
- Defining and policing expressions of sexuality in general
- Creating strict expectations about dress
- Creating moral superiority around categories of food and eating behaviors
- Holding expectations about leisure activities, including what can be read or watched, and shaming and devaluing behavior that is not “like the group”
Psychological Control
- Shaming and devaluing development of or connection to the self, and communicating that the self (and self-trust or knowing) is bad or sinful
- Forbidding critical thinking and encouraging self-policing of thoughts and emotions
- Suppressing of emotion outside worship experiences
- Praising blind faith while discouraging critical thinking or questioning
- Making decisions for individuals about career choices, dating and marriage, or hobbies/giftings
- Requiring giving authority for one’s life to the leaders
- Promoting black-and-white thinking
When I compare those to my religious upbringing and adult life in conservative evangelical Christianity, by my count I have experienced at least 19 out of 20. And was taught that this was normal and good.
I’ve still got a lot of unpacking to do.
The scam of “Biblical Counseling”
I knew I was skeptical of any usefulness of the “Biblical Counseling” that’s espoused by evangelical churches, but for The Gospel Coalition to brag about it this way is horrifying. The author, a 25-year-old woman, has been experiencing depression, eating disorders, hallucinations, depression, PTSD related to sexual assault and rape, inclination toward self-harm, and suicidal ideation.
She has gotten no professional treatment, but instead is meeting regularly with this “biblical counselor” who, after a year [update: misinterpreted the timeline on first read] of counseling hasn’t improved her symptoms - she says “I [still] struggle with all the same things” - but now she has a church-based justification to tell herself that it’s all going to be ok, and that God wants her to continue in this suffering to show her “faithfulness”.
This is terrifying. Professional mental health care is available and effective. Suppressing or learning to live with mental health issues by pushing them down under a veneer of spirituality is a recipe for disaster.
The best tech decision I've made in quite a while
Back in June I decided to move my Emby media server off my Synology NAS and onto a dedicated box. The Synology is getting a little long in the tooth, and I wasn’t doing it any favors by loading it up with Emby running inside Docker.
I ended up buying a Beelink S12 Pro mini PC for the grand total of $150, installed Debian on it, mounted a network share drive so it could see my media files on the Synology, installed Emby, and called it good.
End result: Emby is much (much) faster and more responsive running off the mini PC. And the Synology is faster for doing its basic file serve stuff without the load of a Docker install also running on its limited compute resources. And Debian is so stable that I’m getting bored not needing to do any upgrades or maintenance to keep it running! It just sits there and does its thing reliably. I’ll take it.
My media subscriptions, circa fall 2025
They say if you’re not paying for the product, you are the product. Every time I review my media subscriptions I feel a little bit sheepish about how many I have; on the other hand, when I go to weed them out I feel like I’m getting value out of them and, specifically in the case of the solo writers, that I want to support what they’re doing. So, as of today, here’s all the media sites where I have a paid subscription.
News
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The Cedar Rapids Gazette (print + online). Having an independent local newspaper is a community privilege that needs to be supported.
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Wall Street Journal digital subscription. The opinion sidebar usually makes me want to throw things, but the news reporting is very solid. I signed up for the introductory rate here, and will keep the sub probably as long as I can keep that rate. $4/month feels worth it. $30/month would be ridiculous.
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New York Times digital subscription. I have the family subscription here, mostly because we all like to play the games. But their news reporting is also voluminous and solid.
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The Guardian digital subscription. A nice alternative to the WSJ and NYT, feels like it balances things out some.
Reporting / Opinion
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Talking Points Memo I love the consistent writing that editor Josh Marshall does for this one. Am I really getting the yearly value out of it? I don’t know. But feels like a site worth supporting.
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Defector Sort of half sports writing, half political opinion. Just picked this sub up recently. Not sure I’ll renew. But I enjoy some of the writing, and they do some bigger pieces that I don’t think you’d get from a corporate journalism shop.
Newsletters
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Public Notice This is my most recent subscription. The reporting and opinion here is consistent and well done. This one sticks around.
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Law Dork Can’t say enough good about this one. Chris Geidner is a solo shop, but nearly every day he’s reporting on Federal and Supreme Court proceedings in a way that’s digestible for the average reader. Essential reading these days.
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Men Yell At Me Lyz Lenz is a local acquaintance and an acerbic writer. She probably falls into the “people I know who I want to support” at this point.
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Andrew Osenga Andrew needs a catchy title for his site, I guess. I’ve supported Andrew’s work since his early days as a singer/songwriter. As life has taken him into being a writer and podcast host, I’ve followed right along. He’ll continue to get my support wherever the road takes him.
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The Book of Common Words Aaron Smith is a guy I know online from years back. Us exvangelical theological wanderers gotta stick together.
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Jeffrey Overstreet Jeffrey has been writing about music and movies for a long time. He just moved off Substack and to his own self-branded site… another guy that I’ll support wherever the road goes.
Podcasts
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Accidental Tech Podcast I’ve listened to these guys forever, and I subscribe both because I want to support them and because I love the raw bootleg feed.
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Filmspotting The only podcast I’ve listened to longer than ATP. Love listening to these guys talk about film. Always have more that I’m interested in than I have time to watch, but I’ve learned so much listening over the past 15+ years… well worth it.
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Gravity Commons This subscription is sort of podcast + online community… Matt & Ben hold a special place in my own spiritual journey and I am thankful for them and happy to support their work as I see them shepherding a bunch of people with similar journeys.
More subscriptions?
I’m not even gonna go into the online video streaming stuff here. I’m sure there’s more than I really like to pay for, but every time I do a family survey to see who’s watching what, everybody’s watching stuff on the various services. So for now I’ll live with it.
A Meditation on the Mulberry Bush and the Mustard Seed (Luke 17)
Update: Video link on YouTube
I had the privilege last night to give the meditation during the evening service at my church (Christ Episcopal in Cedar Rapids, IA) on the text Luke 17:5-10.
The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” The Lord replied, “If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.
“Who among you would say to your slave who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field, ‘Come here at once and take your place at the table’? Would you not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me; put on your apron and serve me while I eat and drink; later you may eat and drink’? Do you thank the slave for doing what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were ordered to do, say, ‘We are worthless slaves; we have done only what we ought to have done!’ ”
I have never cast a mulberry bush into the sea.
I have heard endless sermons and inspirational messages about the mustard seed. How powerful this faith is! How just a little bit of it could do amazing things. How a mustard seed grows from a tiny seed into a much bigger plant. And how, somehow, the message usually told me, this little bit of powerful faith would allow me to do amazing things for God if I just did what I needed to for that faith to grow. Usually, the lessons told me, that was to do things like reading my Bible more, praying more, talking to more people about God. Get to work! Grow that faith!
I’m sure the messages were well-intended. But instead of inspiring some sort of amazing godliness in me, they caused other feelings: inadequacy. Fear. Failure. I wasn’t doing great things for God. I was struggling to just keep it together most days. And that led me to question what was wrong with my faith. I wasn’t moving trees.
It’s a funny hypothetical for Jesus to use here. Casting a mulberry tree into the sea. Not just casting it, but commanding it to cast itself into the sea! Maybe Jesus and the disciples were standing on a hill, in the shade of the tree, and looking out across the Sea of Galilee, and it was a convenient example. It’s obviously a little bit hyperbolic. You don’t read in the Acts of the Apostles about them going and commanding the shrubbery around.
Back in 2020 I got far more experience than I wanted to moving trees. The derecho took out three big trees in our yard and left us without power for 11 days. And pretty much each of those days consisted of the same work: taking my small chainsaw and some hand trimmers and slowly chopping up those big trees into small enough pieces that we could pile them up at the curb for the city to take away. Splitting up the bigger chunks into firewood, throwing it in the wagon, and stacking it by the wood pile. The day of the storm, the job looked immense and overwhelming. But I learned over those two weeks that even that overwhelming job, when taken piece by piece, was possible to complete.
There are days when I would’ve been very happy for a magic mustard seed of faith that would’ve let me command the trees to head to the curb themselves so that I could just sit and rest. But I worked away at the problem a little bit at a time, and a few weeks later things were fairly well cleaned up.
I don’t think that the faith that Jesus was talking about or that the disciples wanted was for the purpose of getting a hard job done with less effort. There are bigger challenges than cleaning up fallen trees.
In the verses right before our Gospel reading tonight starts, Jesus has been talking about the need to forgive people. “If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says ‘I repent’, you must forgive.”
Suddenly the disciples’ plea for Jesus to increase their faith takes on a new color.
Because I’ve been there, and I think we’ve all been there. Someone does me wrong. Not just someone who is an enemy or an unknown, someone who I might expect to wrong me. This is another disciple, Jesus says. Someone who should know better. Who does know better. And who repeatedly, consistently, persistently is doing wrong. And that wrongdoing is damaging them, damaging me, damaging others. It’s causing me frustration and heartache and making me wonder where it’s coming from. Is that how a disciple of Jesus behaves?
And now, Jesus says I need to forgive that person? Over and over and over again? I quickly find myself making the same plea the disciples did: “Lord, increase my faith!”
Two weeks after the derecho all the downed trees had been cleaned up and carted off. A couple months later we had done landscaping and planted some new trees. Five years later those trees are as tall as our house and you’d never know the lawn had been a disaster zone. The days without power, with aching limbs and blistered hands taking apart those trees a branch at a time, today are just a memory.
But the challenges of a disciple who knows better wronging you over and over again? To forgive that person, to hold out hope for restoration of relationships - that may not be the work of just weeks and months. That may be the work of a lifetime. A work of patience, and trust. Not something that if I just try a little harder, work a little more consistently, that I can fix it.
But Jesus says this is the mark of his disciples: love for one another. And that the children of God are peacemakers. And that our future is not division, but reconciliation. And so the faith I need is not for the purpose of landscaping or topiary. It’s the faith to forgive, to restore, to hope all things for people when I am tempted to write them off.
How in the world do I do that?
After Jesus talks about the mustard seed faith and the mulberry tree he says some fairly cryptic things about how a person would treat their slave and also how a person would respond if they were a slave. And it’s fairly confusing for me listening. Am I the master? Am I the slave? Am I both at different times? Am I supposed to be ok with the idea that I’m the master and expecting my slave to both work in my field and then come in and serve me dinner?
There’s a couple things I think we can take away from this odd little parable. First, as one commentator I read put it: there are no merit badges for forgiving people. It’s just what is expected of Jesus followers. You’re not going to get an “achievement unlocked” when you forgive 7 times or 70 times 7 times or whatever.
And second, there’s a sense in which the people Jesus describes here are content to fulfill their roles, to do what is appropriate for their role, for their lot in life. To not worry about what is going on with everyone else, but being content to just say “hey, just doing what I’m supposed to be doing here”. So maybe we can take away from this that part of the way our faith is built so that we can keep forgiving, so that we can do the work of reconciliation, is to trust that God is at work in ways we don’t see. That I can learn to be content knowing that it’s not on me to fix everything. I have done my part to forgive and reconcile, and that the rest is up to God.
So the real work of the kingdom of God isn’t relocating trees, whether by chainsaws and wagons or by a magical faith command. The real work of the kingdom is forgiveness and reconciliation. It is powered by love - love that hopes all things, endures all things, believes all things - a hope that is always for the best. A hope for reconciliation and not for judgment.
That’s hard work, tiring work. And so for that purpose we, with the disciples, ask Jesus: increase our faith. Amen.