Category: personal
You are viewing all posts from this category, beginning with the most recent.
When church and convictions conflict - a personal follow-up
Yesterday I recommended Ed Cyzewski’s post talking about when church and your personal convictions come into conflict. Today I’d like to follow up by telling my own story.
The Idea
A little over ago my church decided it was time to promote men’s small groups. And the timing seemed great for me. I was coming through a time of spiritual wrangling and frustration, and was convinced that I needed more frequent and better interaction with godly men in my life. Then I found out how it was going to be themed: Band of Brothers.
(This isn’t my church’s actual ministry logo, but it’s close to what was used.)
If I’m objective, I’ve gotta give the planners props for buying in to the theme. The small groups are called “squads”. Each level of the leadership had a “rank”, and the promotional videos showed the leaders wearing fatigues, moving little army men around a map on a planning table. The invitations to various events were titled “Marching Orders”.
I’m pretty sure that the two pastors leading it up weren’t whole-hog into the theme, but the lay leaders who helped with it were, and so it got adopted. The activities were all camping and outdoors themed. They included plans for a “commitment ceremony” taken straight out of a Courageous movie marketing pack.
And I’ll be honest: my first reaction was to squirm.
Why must men’s ministries be focused around shooting/camping/hunting/outdoorsy stuff? Is it really that big a motivator? I’m not a big outdoorsy guy, so maybe I’m just not their target audience. I’m a musician. And a computer geek / engineer. I mean, I also run and play sports and know how to work with my hands, but I’ve never shot anything bigger than a .22 or more alive than a cardboard box.
But I think it was more than discomfort - it was conviction. Conviction that it would be wrong for me to participate in a program that appeared to be focused around all the militaristic trappings that I believe to be unnecessary and at times very unhelpful.
An attempt
After a couple days of mulling it over, I came up with what I thought would be a win-win solution. So I emailed the pastor leading it, explained that I really wanted to be in a small group but couldn’t stomach the militaristic trappings. So, was there room for “conscientious objector” status within the Band of Brothers? (Hey, creative thinking and humor oughta get me somewhere, right?)
The response I got back the next day was unexpectedly infuriating. Sorry, he said, but no. There was no room for “conscientious objectors”. He said it would be “detrimental to squad morale” if all the members weren’t totally committed to all the activities.
And that was that. I was pissed.
Here I am, I thought, trying to participate in a ministry that I know I need, and they won’t let me.
(Did I mention I was angry?)
That was the first time in what was then four years at my church where I seriously thought about looking for someplace else. Fortunately, there’s a better ending to this story.
A redirection
I talked to my wife about it for a while. I talked to another pastor about it. (Yeah, for you scoring at home, that’s the third different pastor mentioned in this story. Our church has five at the moment. Four will appear in this story before it’s done.)
That other pastor told me (very wisely) that he was more worried about my relationship with pastor #1 than he was about the small group thing. (I was appropriately brought down a notch or two.) My wife reminded me that there were other similar options that the church offered that I had, to this point, not pursued. (Down another couple notches.)
So I didn’t sign up for the Band of Brothers. Instead, the next Tuesday morning at 6 AM I came, bleary-eyed and with coffee in hand, to a men’s prayer group / Bible study hosted by our senior pastor. And within 15 minutes I knew I was in the right place.
At age 36 I’m the youngest guy in the Tuesday morning study by almost 10 years. There’s one regular in his 40s, but most are between late 50s and early 70s. Our senior member is a WWII veteran.
The agenda each Tuesday is simple: share requests, pray for each other, and study whatever the sermon text is going to be for the following Sunday. (Whichever activity we start with usually goes long, so we tend to alternate between mostly prayer one week and then mostly study the next week.) The accumulated wisdom in that room each week is deep and vast. I am (mostly) keeping my mouth shut and learning a lot. It’s awesome.
So this fall they’re cranking up the second year of Band of Brothers, and I’m starting my second year of the Tuesday morning study. And I’m at peace that I’ve made the right choice for me, for now.
Some final thoughts
As I reflect on this after a year to cool off, I’ve got some thoughts:
- I still think the militaristic theme is unnecessary. But having not attended any of the events I can’t fairly opine on the ministry any more than that.
- I know that they had far greater numbers of men in the ministry last year than they had expected. If it’s bringing men in and sharpening them, praise God.
- Like Ed said his post: look for ways to participate and serve that don’t confict with your convictions. While they weren’t going to change the men’s ministry just for me (nor should they have), there were other opportunities available if I was willing to seek them out.
- This situation highlights one of the benefits of a larger church: that diversity of opportunities. If this had played out at a smaller church it might well have had a less happy ending.
- Even though I disagree with them at times, I’m hugely blessed to have good pastors and leaders in my church.
The Power of the Pen
I like writing by hand, and I love the feel of writing with a good pen. In my experience, though, good pens are hard to find.
Several years ago I decided I wanted to give fountain pens a try. While I enjoyed the character that the fountain nib added to my writing, I always had a couple of issues: first, I could never get consistent ink flow through the nib. (Maybe I just wasn’t willing to spend enough on a pen? The Lamy Safari is usually spoken of highly, though.)
Second, my handwriting tends to be small, which means I value thin, precise lines. Not so easy with a fountain pen. (I keep a Pilot Varsity disposable fountain pen around for signing things at work. My signature: not so small.)
Then I found the Uniball Signo gel ink pens, which are awesome. (I prefer the 0.38 mm width.) Unfortunately, they’re not sold directly in the US; I splurge every year or so and order a few from JetPens.com, which imports them from Asia.
Then last week somebody linked to and highly recommended the Parker Jotter ballpoint retractable pen. This little gem is stainless steel, refillable, and a little smaller than your normal sized pen; all winners as far as I was concerned.
Then I found out it was the pen used as James Bond’s exploding pen in Goldeneye, and that sealed the deal. (I’m a sucker for Goldeneye for some reason.) The video here is queued up for maximum clicky-ness. (Unfortunately I was unable to find one that ran long enough to get computer hacker Boris’s final, exultant cry of “I am invincible!”.)
And friends, the pen sounds exactly like that when I click it. Which is awesome. (Come back in a week to find out if I’ve completely annoyed my wife with the clicking yet.)
Happily After All
It’s Memorial Day here in the States, which means we’ve been enjoying a day together as a family. I enjoy days when I get to spend time with my girls - it’s so fun to see the cool people they’re turning into as they get older.
A few random parenting “wins” from today:
Laura, age 8.5, suddenly likes to hang out and play games. She suggested we play Flux (a card game) this morning, and then proceeded to lose gracefully to her younger sister, twice. (This is a much bigger accomplishment than it sounds.)
Addie, age 7, watched a My Little Pony cartoon this morning, then came excitedly to tell me that at the end of the cartoon all the flying ponies had flown across the sun, and that the scene was just like what had happened in the movie E.T. (When our seven year old is picking out classic movie references, we must be doing something right!)
Katie, age 4, was “reading” her Grams a book this afternoon while we were driving in the van. When she got to the end, she meant, I think, to end the story with “they lived happily ever after”, but instead it came out as “happily after all”. The more I think about it, there’s something profound about that ending.
None of us will likely live happily “ever after”; but may we all have the opportunity to live happily after all.
Three careers I could've pursued but didn't
I’m sitting in a hotel room in Florida tonight, bored and needing blogging inspiration. So I hit up twitter. Two minutes later my buddy Geof primes the pump: twitter.com/gfmorris/…
So, three careers I could’ve pursued, but didn’t. Here’s your chance to get to know a little more about me.
Career option #1: musician
My first love has always been music. I’ve played the piano since I was in second grade, play guitar and bass, love classical, jazz, rock, and most stuff in between. One of my greatest joys is playing with a talented group of musicians. There’s an amazing convergence of mental pleasure in playing some piece of music as a part of a group - everybody contributing their own part to make the whole - and an emotional rush from the beauty of the music itself.
[caption width=“500” align=“aligncenter”]
Could I have been this guy? Nah, I could never pull off that haircut.[/caption]
I considered some music options while I was in high school, but never really committed to the idea. I suppose I never really had a good idea about what the heck I would’ve done with it. My dad had been a high school music teacher, but his recommendation was to do something else - something that would be easier to provide for myself and a family. I don’t resent his advice at all or regret heeding it - I’ve got no complaints about where I am now - but sometimes I wonder what alternate path could’ve occurred if instead of going to LeTourneau I’d gone to Belmont to do something music related. I would’ve been there about the time Andy Osenga and Cason Cooley were deciding to quit school to do this band called The Normals, and when Ben Shive was skipping finals to write string arrangements for Andrew Peterson’s Christmas album.
Career Option #2: Pastoral ministry
I’m a bookish, nerdy guy. I like theology. I like to study and wrestle with issues. There was a time in high school when I thought the pastorate was the way to go. Relevant advice I received from two different pastors over the years: “if you can do something else, do it. Only be a pastor if you’re so called to it that you can’t do anything else.”
[caption width=“328” align=“aligncenter”]
My church doesn’t have stained glass. I kinda miss it.[/caption]
In retrospect, it’s probably just as well I didn’t go this route. Though I continue to love theology and exploring my faith, I’m such an introvert that I think the personal aspects of pastoral ministry would completely wear me out. I enjoy the opportunities to be in church leadership in a role as a layman; making a career out of it probably wouldn’t be a good thing.
Career Option #3: OK, this one is a cheat.
I never seriously considered this one as an option, but I’ve idly thought about it as a path I would enjoy following in some alternate universe: I’d like to be a professional baseball umpire.
[caption width=“500” align=“aligncenter”]
Time to get in the zone.[/caption]
I love the game, have a keen enough mind that I might be able to absorb the intricacies of the rulebook, and might just be able to hold my own in making the judgment calls. I might be a little bit tall to be an umpire - most MLB umpires are under 6 feet, making it easier to squat down to call balls and strikes - but maybe I could make it work. I hear the minor league circuit is pretty brutal on umps, though, so it’s not as if it’s a particularly glamorous job, and there aren’t a lot of openings at the top level. Still… it’d be fun.
So thanks, Geof, for the topic. I’ll go peruse twitter now and see if there are any other good ideas floating around there.
What I wrote to 16,000 people
This email went out on The Listserve this afternoon.
There’s good news, and then there’s GOOD NEWS. It’s good news when an unexpected check comes in the mail, or when your kid comes home with improved grades. But GOOD NEWS is life-changing. Today I’d like to talk about the best news I ever received. Here it is:
There is forgiveness for my failings. There is grace for my faults. There is love I can’t understand.
This was life-changing news for me, because at heart, I’m rotten. I’m selfish. I’m a liar. Even when I do good things, too often I do them to try to impress other people, or to try to prove to myself that I’m not that bad, even when I know deep down that I really am.
People talk about karma; karma scares me. I’ll never be a good enough person to deserve what I want. This is why this really good news changed my life.
The GOOD NEWS is that God knows me, knows all about me - and that he loves me anyway. That he offers me forgiveness if I’ll just accept it. And that he offers me grace every day, and the chance to really be a changed person.
God sent his son, Jesus, to earth for all of us. He lived a perfect life. He was the only person who karma really should’ve fully rewarded, and instead he died in my place, in your place. And then he didn’t stay dead, but instead demonstrated the power to conquer death. One day he’s going to come back to earth to set things right.
That’s the best news I’ve ever received. It changed my life. It can change yours, too, if you’ll believe it.
What would you say to 16,000 people?
A few weeks ago I heard about a little online project called The Listserve. Email mailing lists are one of the older forms of internet communication; everybody signs up to get the distribution, and when a post goes out, everybody gets it.
The idea of The Listserve is this: once the list hit 10,000 subscribers, the list moderators would pick one person per day to get to send a message to that list. A message about whatever the lucky person wants. The constraints: 400 words. No links or images. Just good old text.
I was intrigued. I signed up.
The Listserve hit 10,000 subscribers a couple of weeks ago and the messages started coming. They’ve been entertaining, but mostly on the self-helpy. encouragey, lifehackey side of things. Still, while dozens of unread emails get deleted from my inbox every day, the one from The Listserve always gets read.
Yesterday I got an unexpected email: “You’ve been selected”. I have until mid-day on Sunday to write 400 words that will be sent out to, at last check, more than 16,000 email inboxes. No pressure!
So what would you write if you could send an email to 16,000 people?
Off the wagon
So I had a Lipton diet green tea yesterday. The whole bottle had 30 mg of caffeine. From what I can tell, that’s less than half as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. Still, drinking that bottle of tea made me jittery for a couple of hours. Couldn’t stop bouncing my legs. Craziness. I am now more motivated than ever to mostly stay away from the stuff.
On the other hand, I did my second 10-mile run yesterday and completed it with sub-10-mile pace and without feeling like I was going to die. I figure I need to do at least one more of those prior to the New Bo Fest Half Marathon on September 4. Looking forward to that race… and to getting it done with.
12 years
June 26, 1998, on a sweltering night in Charlotte, NC, Becky and I made vows, exchanged rings, and began our life together. Twelve years, three kids and one cross-country move later I am still so thankful that I can wake up every morning next to my best friend. She is a faithful companion, loving mother to the girls, tireless gardener and homemaker, and I am blessed to have her as my wife.
I love you Becky! Here’s to the next three dozen years!
Tales from THE SNOWPOCALYPSE, Day 2
Morning timeline:
- 0530: alarm goes off
- 0532: check of the cancellations page via my iPod touch shows work status as “2 hour delay”
- 0615: grudgingly head out to snowblow the driveway
- 0725: make it back in from clearing the driveway
- 0730: cancellations page says “snow policy in effect” (i.e. you don’t have to come in, but you can) Conflicted as to whether or not I should try to go in.
- 0750: finished with a shower, decided not to go in.
- 0800: work officially closes, sends people home
- 0830: second pot of coffee on, Christmas music playing. AWESOME.
At least I didn’t try to go in. First time work has sent people home for snow in the 10 years I’ve been there.
I think we’ve gotten about 8 inches here so far, heavier and wetter than I had anticipated. Now it’s time for the temps to drop and the wind to start blowing really hard. Guess I’ve gotta hand it to meteorologist Joe Winters, he was right this time. I feel like I should seek him out and do my meekest “I’m sorry, Dick Butkus” impression.
Happy snow day, everybody!
Election 2008: I voted
Reports of long lines at many polling places had me wondering if I would be in for a wait to vote this morning. But, at least at my polling place at the neighborhood church in Hiawatha, there was very little line. I signed the register, then signed the book next to my name, then filled in our lovely two-sided scantron form.
The whole thing couldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes. There were contested races for several local positions and I found myself voting for candidates of both parties. I voted to retain a few of the local judges I’m familiar with. When I deposited my ballot into the scanner, the readout showed that I was ballot #548 for the day so far. I can remember voting in previous elections where my ballot number was only in the 200’s late in the day… so yeah, we’re seeing high voter turnout.
Tonight I have my first work league basketball game of the season, at 7:50 pm. I’m betting that by the time I get home and watch the election coverage, it’ll be all over.