Chris​Hubbs​.com

It’s Tuesday afternoon, and I’m sitting on the couch in a darkened hospital room. There’s a little bit of hazy sunlight filtering through the miniblinds behind me, and a muted television sits ignored across the room. My wife is napping, my older daughter is at a friend’s house, my newborn daughter is asleep in the bassinette, and I have had a few minutes of precious quiet. Sure, the nurse interrupted it a few minutes ago to check temperatures and pulses, but she is forgiven.

I have realized just a bit over the past couple of days how I thrive on being busy. I am busy, you know. I am a project lead at work. I have a wife and two kids. I lead the worship teams at church and participate in leadership activities there. I’ve been playing basketball in two recreational leagues this winter. I maintain websites for myself, my family, my church, and my friends’ ministry and business. I have a very hard time slowing down.

This came to me most vividly somewhere around noon yesterday. Addison had been born only nine hours before. Everything had been cleaned up, she was sleeping, Becky was resting, and I had eaten lunch. And I didn’t know what to do next. I kept thinking that it was time to head to work, or think about work, or worship team, or something. Surely there’s something I should be doing. And it took a while for me to realize that no, there was nothing else I needed to be doing. I should be right here, enjoying the rest, getting to know my new daughter, and caring for my wife.

Why do I feel the need to make it busier? Partly I’d like to ascribe it to my mental “wiring” - I don’t handle boredom well. I like to multi-task. My wife marveled one night a couple of weeks ago when I was talking on my cell phone, having an IM conversation, and posting on my blog all at the same time. I hadn’t even thought about it; it’s just the way I operate. But I think more responsibility lies on the shoulders of my own choices and decisions. I need to make the conscious effort more often to slow down and enjoy the things in life right here around me. Busyness doesn’t make life richer; rather, I think that busyness is the thief that steals the richness of the glory that we see in everyday life. It’s time to think more about everyday life.

I think Addison is stirring now, so it’s time to put this to practice and set down the laptop. The web sites can wait.

No, it’s not the baby. But today we did end up purchasing a nice used minivan. It’s a 2001 Dodge Grand Caravan, has about 70000 miles on it. Got a pretty good price and traded in (!) my old Toyota Corolla that was on its last legs. Laura seems to really enjoy riding in it, and it’ll have lots of room for us and our stuff especially after we add kiddo #2.

I’ll try to get some pictures in the next few days. Today it was raining so it was hard to get any.

Still waiting for the baby, I’ll be sure to keep you posted on that. :-)

Well, no baby yet. But that still doesn’t mean my Monday has calmed down much. :-) We did a bunch of minivan shopping this weekend, and have found one that seems like it might be a good fit; in our price range, in decent shape, etc. I need to get my mechanic to look at it, and the first availability they have is tomorrow, so I guess I’ll be patient until then. Actually, my mechanic wasn’t available until Wednesday, but a mechanic that a friend recommends highly is available tomorrow, so I’ll go with that one. Maybe by then the bank will have gotten back to me on the loan approval.

If Becky goes into labor tonight or something, it’ll throw a bit of a wrench in the car purchase works, but it’ll be a welcome wrench. The van can wait. :-)

In a previous post, I wrestled with the ideas of being 10 years removed from my teens, but still feeling many of the same feelings that I did back in those years. It’s been interesting to see the reaction from my siblings. It caused Ryan to reflect on his life, which is good… wait, not that he needs to do more reflecting… it was just interesting to hear his thoughts. :-) I think Rebecca’s comment was just that my post scared her. I take that to mean that she was hoping that things would get better as you get older…

Now that I’ve had a while to chew on it, let me give my siblings (and anybody else who is still reading this) some more thoughts that might encourage you a bit.

Things have changed. I would be very stupid not to recognize that a lot of changes in my life have brought stability and peace over the past dozen years. Relationship worries have been removed by my marriage and the wonderful relational stability it brings. Monetary worries have largely been alleviated by a good job, which meets my needs and then some. Not that financial worries are never there, but they aren’t the how-the-heck-am-I-going-to-pay-for-this-month’s-rent type of worries. What-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life worries have been largely alleviated as I find peace and confidence in God’s plan for me here in Iowa, with my family, my job, and my church. So take heart, brothers, sister, the process can be agonizing (and still is for me, at times), but there will be a day, sooner than you think, where you will stop and look back on things much like I just have.

At the end of that previous post I wrote in conclusion:

It means something that the desires of a dozen years ago are still wandering around in me today. There’s something to be learned from the knowledge that home, wife, and child haven’t fully satisfied them. I know some of the answers, but for today I think I’d rather just sit back and ponder the questions.

Let me talk about some of the answers. Well, at least the one big answer. The answer is that the longings built into each of us cannot be totally fulfilled in this life. Many of them can, and growing closer to God daily will help bring that about. But some cannot, will not ever be fulfilled in this life. But that is the constant reminder for us to look forward to that hope that we have of all eternity with Christ.

As Andrew Peterson reminded us with his last album, we tend to think at times of heaven as this far away country where we will go someday, but that’s not the way it is; rather, God and heaven is home, and we are now in the far country.