A couple dots I connected yesterday: while the explicit evangelical gospel message I grew up with was very clearly taught in church as salvation by grace through faith in Jesus, via no merit of my own, the implicit message in all the community discussions was that salvation was only assured if your doctrine, and your ability to verbalize that doctrine, were good enough.

My grandparents on both sides were lifelong faithful practicing Christians, Methodist and Lutheran. And yet I remember my parents’ agonized discussions about whether or not those grandparents’ salvation “was genuine” because they didn’t articulate clearly the concept of “lordship salvation”.

Which leads me to wondering this morning: did I become a theology nerd because I was just really interested in God and religious beliefs? Or did I become a theology nerd out of some below-the-surface existential fear for my eternal damnation?

As I near age 50 it’s time to make lemonade out of those lemons, regardless. But it’s a sobering question.