Another quote from Holy Hurt that feels just a little too relevant:

[I]n religious and family environments that are governed by fear and control, some of the normal things that need to happen to help kids grow into healthy selves don’t get to happen. The developmental steps - even the basic ones around agency, self-responsibility and life choices, boundaries, rule breaking, and rebellion - are impaired through shame, punishment, fear, control, and restricted agency. If development is about becoming more of oneself, and in these environments the self is considered untrustworthy, sinful, or an obstacle to spiritual maturity, then these environments and the people in them will often do whatever they can to eradicate or impair the development and expression of the self.

As a result, these high-control environments often keep people stuck in a state of psychological and social immaturity…