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On Jimmy Carter and Evangelical salvation anxiety
Former president Jimmy Carter’s state funeral is today. Carter, perhaps one of the most famously evangelical Christians of the 1970s, continued to work in service to God and his neighbor for the four decades after he left the White House. Whether it was building houses with Habitat for Humanity or teaching Sunday School at his local Baptist church, he maintained the humble integrity that was the hallmark of his presidency.

To recognize this, Christianity Today editor Russell Moore (a famous evangelical and Baptist of the current decade) writes in CT today arguing for Carter’s salvation. That, 50 years after his election to the presidency, this is still the topic of debate in the evangelical world highlights the level of anxiety rampant in evangelicalism, even (or maybe especially) in determinism-friendly Calvinist evangelicalism, about salvation assurance coming through having the right doctrine and cultural positions.
I keenly remember this discussion in family settings when I was a kid. My grandparents were all faithful members of mainline Protestant churches (United Methodist and ELCA), and from the midst of our most fundamentalist evangelicalism there were anguished family discussions about whether or not they were “really saved” because they couldn’t/didn’t articulate the Gospel message the way we learned and shared it. As a young teenager I knew enough that I was supposed to be concerned for them, and suspicious of the churches they attended.
My paternal grandfather passed away in 2010, and opportunity of his funeral and the family gatherings around it gave me the chance to hear stories I’d never heard before. I knew my grandpa as a hard working, blue collar guy who loved his family and liked to tell a good joke. I knew from our visits to their house that he was a diligent member of his Lutheran church, with a big cross necklace hanging over his necktie as he headed out the door on Sunday morning. But then I heard about his other practical service. He was a zillion-gallon blood donor. For years he arranged rides so that mentally impaired residents of the local group home could attend church. And I started to ask myself: if evangelicals suspected this man, who faithfully loved his family, was baptized, confessed the historic creeds, participated in the Eucharist regularly, and served his neighbors, was likely “not saved” because he didn’t articulate the same Gospel presentation or support the same political party they did, maybe something was wrong with their (our) evaluation grid.

I was a couple years into my early evangelical deconstruction at that point, but the realization triggered by my grandpa was a significant further step in that direction. Is God really going to put on eternal blast those faithful folks who just didn’t articulate “the gospel” quite right? And how right do you have to be to be “right enough”? (There’s that evangelical anxiety!) And if we can logically posit that even the theologian who has it the most right (I think at this point I was using Al Mohler or John Piper in this argument) is wrong about maybe 10% of his theology, how does he know which 10%? And why doesn’t that inspire a little more humility in his approach to others? And does it really make sense then to believe or fear that there’s some threshold of theological accuracy to pass the heavenly gate?
Fast-forward to today. I now, too, am a member of a mainline Protestant church. I am quite convinced that the hallmarks of a “real faith” are a love for God demonstrated in a loving service to those around us, not in some doctrinal or political purity test. I’m also pretty convinced that, through Jesus, eternal reconciliation is coming for everyone, but that’s a different post.
If you are still anxiously in the middle of the evangelical game of trying to establish a level of doctrinal understanding and correctness that’s “good enough” for God and your church leaders, friends, it’s time to take a lesson from WOPR: the only winning move is not to play.
Some thoughts on my first EV experience: driving a Tesla Model Y for 3 weeks
For the past 3 weeks I’ve been driving a Tesla Model Y with full self driving (FSD) enabled. It’s a employer-leased car that’s being passed around our division with the intent of letting us get insight about human-machine interfaces and autonomous driving functionality. It’s was my first time driving an electric vehicle, so I wanted to sketch down a few thoughts on the experience.
Yes, it’s a Tesla
Let’s just get this out of the way up front. Unfortunately, Tesla == Elon Musk. This reason by itself is enough to ensure that I will not purchase a Tesla of my own. But as other electric cars get successful in the market, I could be open to the idea. So anyway, other thoughts…

1. Electrification / Charging
The biggest change in driving an electric vehicle is that it needs recharged. A gas station stop isn’t going to help you here. If I were to buy an EV of my own I would get an electrician to put an appropriate plug in my garage, but for 3 weeks I just had to make do.
Charging gets rated, somewhat confusingly, in “miles per hour” (now there’s a unit that’s not used any other way with regard to autos!) - that is, the number of miles of range added per hour of charging. Just plugged into a standard 110-volt wall plug at my home, the car charges at about 4 miles per hour, which ain’t much. By getting a different adapter and plugging it into a 110-volt plug on a 20-amp circuit with a NEMA 5-20 outlet, I could get up to 6 mph, which, when left overnight, feels like you’re sort of getting somewhere. My employer has subsidized EV chargers at work which charge at 20 mph. I also discovered a city parking ramp downtown that has free 20 mph chargers as long as you pay the 75 cents/hour to park. (I was downtown quite a bit for orchestra performances this past month!)
I did try a Tesla supercharger once - there’s only one in all of Cedar Rapids - and it’s ridiculously fast charging by comparison - probably 600-800 mph charging. You pay for the convenience. If I had my own EV I’d charge it at home and occasionally at work and it would work out just fine. I’d have to think about the feasibility of longer road trips, especially in the Midwest where superchargers are fewer and further between.
2. Range
This is the Model Y Long Range version. For local driving with regular charging, it urges you to only charge the battery to 80% to increase your battery’s lifetime. An 80% charge equates to about 225 miles of estimated range. In practice, at least in the winter here in Iowa, the range ends up being somewhat less because you’re using that precious battery power to run the heater to keep your tootsies warm. I found myself charging a couple times per week just to keep the charge level up where I wasn’t nervous.
3. Automations and Self-Driving
The sensor set in the Tesla is pretty impressive. The main display shows you the current situation as the car’s sensors perceive it, including nearby cars, pedestrians, curbs, traffic signals, street markings, etc. It uses all that info in real time to make decisions about driving you around, including lane changes, when to stop, when to run a yellow light, and right turning on red. On the whole I was pretty happy with full self driving. There was a software upgrade about halfway through my 3 weeks and FSD 13 seemed like a significant improvement over FSD 12.
FSD itself feels pretty amazing. You put your destination into the nav system, it charts the course, and then you pull the lever down to engage FSD, and off it goes. If you stop paying attention to the road, it’ll beep at you and eventually turn off FSD to force you to actively drive. If you want to disengage FSD, you just grab the wheel and start driving. Otherwise, you sit back, keep an eye on the road, and let the car do its thing. For highway and interstate driving this felt like it’d be a very desirable tool. For city driving, I felt like I spent as much or more mental energy monitoring to make sure FSD did the right thing as I would have done just manually driving.
The one thing I would love to have on a regular basis is the self-parking function. Drive slowly through a parking lot and the sensor system will identify open parking spots. Tap one, bring the car to a stop, and hit the Park button and the car will back itself into the parking spot. It’ll also do parallel parking, which came in handy yesterday. I’m a proficient parallel parker, but I’d still take advantage of that automation any time I could.
4. Its actual usefulness as a vehicle
My first thought when driving the car is that it seemed heavy. I looked it up, and turns out I was correct. The Tesla Model Y Long Range weighs about 4300 lbs, which is a full 1000 lbs heavier than my usual 2015 Toyota RAV4, and even a little bit heavier than the family 2008 Toyota Sienna minivan. For all its weight, though, those electric motors provide very nice acceleration when you put your foot down. (If I start thinking about the amount of momentum in the car then I can get a little nervous… but I digress.) The interior is comfortable enough - heated seats both front and back, a decent-sized rear trunk and a front storage “frunk” that is big enough for a couple bags of groceries.
5. Random other thoughts:
- It seems fairly quiet when you’re inside it driving. (I imagine I’ll be surprised by how loud my RAV4 engine is tomorrow when I start driving it again.)
- It doesn’t like snow and ice. The silly door handles get frozen up too easily and the door also needs to slightly lower the window to get the door open. Too many surfaces to freeze up if you’re trying to open it without warming it up first.
- The automated windshield wiper sensor is terrible. Decided it needed to turn on yesterday in bright sunshine and made me jump right out of my skin. Other times when it was lightly raining it wouldn’t turn on and I needed to trigger it manually.
- Having an app to get the car to pre-heat is pretty awesome.
- Having an app to let my phone serve as a digital key rather than requiring that I carry a stupid key fob is also pretty awesome.
Conclusions
Driving the Tesla for 3 weeks convinced me that I would be happy with an EV as my daily driver for commuting, around-town errands, and day trips. I think I’d still like the gas-powered option for longer road trips, though. The Tesla FSD automations are impressive. Mostly now I think I’m hoping that my RAV4 holds out until I can buy a Rivian R3.
My 2024 Reading In Review
Another year full of books! (Previous summaries: 2023,2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007…
I read 63 books for the year, a few less than last year. I keep saying I’m going to stop logging to Goodreads, but it’s so easy and I’ve kept track there for so long that I still do it. I also keep my Bookshelf site over on my own website which I prefer to link you to instead.
The list is almost exactly a 50/50 split between fiction and non-fiction.
Here’s the full list of reading, with particular standouts noted in bold:
Theology / Ministry
- Varieties of Christian Universalism by David W. Congdon
- The Lost World of the Prophets by John H. Walton
- Reading Genesis by Marilynne Robinson
- From The Maccabees to The Mishnah by Shaye J. D. Cohen
- A Window to the Divine by Zachary Hayes
- Wounded Pastors by Carol Howard Merritt
- Lamb of the Free by Andrew Remington Rillera
- Making All Things New by Ilia Delio
- Reaching Out by Henri J. M. Nouwen
- The Experience of God by David Bentley Hart
- The Hours of the Universe by Ilia Delio
- A Private and Public Faith by William Stringfellow
I wrote about the Zachary Hayes book this summer. It’s small and delightful. And I’m looking forward to revisiting Andrew Remington Rillera’s Lamb of the Free as a part of a book club starting next week.
Science and History
- The Kingdom, The Power, and The Glory by Tim Alberta
- Finding Zero by Amir D. Aczel
- The Murder of Professor Schlick by David Edmonds
- Ringmaster by Abraham Riesman
- The Grand Contraption by David Park
- Neurotribes by Steve Silberman (RIP)
- 3 Shades of Blue by James Kaplan
- A General Theory of Love by Thomas Lewis
- Space Oddities by Harry Cliff
- The Hidden Spring by Mark Solms
- Rise and Kill First by Ronen Bergman
- Black AF History by Michael Harriot
- Debt by David Graeber
Ringmaster is a biography/history of Vince McMahon and his WWE empire. It’s a must-read as we enter four more years of a Trump presidency that will be about image and story line rather than truth.
Graeber’s book was fantastic as social science but prompted me to think theologically.
Memoir and Biography
- This American Ex-Wife by Lyz Lenz
- The Exvangelicals by Sarah McCammon
- An Autobiography, or, The Story of My Experiments With Truth by Mahatma Gandhi
Other Miscellaneous Non-Fiction
- Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell
- All Things Are Too Small by Becca Rothfeld
- Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
- How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler and Charles Van Doren
Fiction
- The Downloaded by Robert J. Sawyer
- Hell Is a World Without You by Jason Kirk
- In Universes by Emet North
- Exordia by Seth Dickinson
- Through a Forest of Stars by David Jeffrey
- Sun Wolf by David Jeffrey
- The Practice, The Horizon, and The Chain by Sofia Samatar
- The Light Within Darkness by David Jeffrey
- The Future by Naomi Alderman
- Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse
- The Year of the Locust by Terry Hayes
- Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar
- The Revisionaries by A. R. Moxon
- Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders
- I Cheerfully Refuse by Leif Enger
- The Midnight Line by Lee Child
- Blue Moon by Lee Child
- Do We Not Bleed? by Daniel Taylor
- Heavenbreaker by Sara Wolf
- Red Side Story by Jasper Fforde
- Airframe by Michael Crichton
- Extinction by Douglas Preston
- Killing Floor by Lee Child
- Die Trying by Lee Child
- Moonbound by Robin Sloan
- Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh
- Creation Lake by Rachel Kushner
- 2054 by Elliot Ackerman
- Shadow of Doubt by Brad Thor
- Tripwire by Lee Child
- Spark by John Twelve Hawks (unintentional re-read)
Summary
I didn’t realize until I typed up the list for this post that I had run through so much fiction. Guess it was a year I needed some lighter reading. I did a quick count on the books on my to-read shelf and if I constrained myself to just those books, I might have it cleaned off by this time next year. (I mean, that’s unlikely, but it’s a decent goal.)
A Christian is distinguished by his radical esteem for the Incarnation
A Christian is not distinguished by his political views, or moral decisions, or habitual conduct, or personal piety, or, least of all, by his churchly activities. A Christian is distinguished by his radical esteem for the Incarnation - to use the traditional jargon - by his reverence for the life of God in the whole of Creation, even and, in a sense, especially, Creation in the travail of sin.
The characteristic place to find a Christian is among his very enemies.
The first place to look for Christ is in Hell.
— William Stringfellow, from A Private and Public Faith
Faith is more about longing and thirsting than knowing and possessing
David Brooks has a lovely essay published in the New York Times yesterday on his journey from agnosticism into faith. It came not, he says, through some academic study or intellectual enlightenment, but through experiences in life.
When faith finally tiptoed into my life it didn’t come through information or persuasion but, at least at first, through numinous experiences…. In those moments, you have a sense that you are in the presence of something overwhelming, mysterious. Time is suspended or at least blurs. One is enveloped by an enormous bliss.
He describes occasions, literally from the mountain top to underground (the New York subway) where unusually beautiful and real things broke through into his awareness, changing his perspective on reality.
That contact with radical goodness, that glimpse into the hidden reality of things, didn’t give me new ideas; it made real an ancient truth that had lain unbidden at the depth of my consciousness. We are embraced by a moral order. What we call good and evil are not just preferences that this or that set of individuals invent according to their tastes. Rather, slavery, cruelty and rape are wrong at all times and in all places, because they are an assault on something that is sacred in all times and places, human dignity. Contrariwise, self-sacrificial love, generosity, mercy and justice are not just pleasant to see. They are fixed spots on an eternal compass, things you can orient your life toward.
This process took time, Brooks says, describing it as less a “conversion” than an “inspiration”, where new life was breathed into things he had already intellectually known for a long time. And it results in something that is less a concrete certainty than a new longing:
The most surprising thing I’ve learned since then is that “faith” is the wrong word for faith as I experience it. The word “faith” implies possession of something, whereas I experience faith as a yearning for something beautiful that I can sense but not fully grasp. For me faith is more about longing and thirsting than knowing and possessing.
And in a paragraph that would make Jamie Smith smile, Brooks observes that what you desire shapes who you are becoming.
It turns out the experience of desire is shaped by the object of your desire. If you desire money, your desire will always seem pinched, and if you desire fame, your desire will always be desperate. But if the object of your desire is generosity itself, then your desire for it will open up new dimensions of existence you had never perceived before, for example, the presence in our world of an energy force called grace.
There’s so much goodness in this essay that I could quote the whole thing but really just recommend you go read it. This gift link) gives you the full article even if you’re not an NYT subscriber. It’s such a delight to hear someone talk so freely and publicly about their faith journey.
High enough anxiety
Earlier today a post came across Bluesky that stopped me short. Canadian author Ryan North put it this way:
All pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety
Now, as far as I know, North is just trying (with some reasonable success) to be funny. But as a former evangelical this single line sums up the angst of modern neo-Calvinism as well as anything I’ve ever seen.
The core conflict of the neo-Reformed theology I spent most of my adult life with was that for all the assertions that God controls and predestines everything, serious believers should have an ongoing concern, verging on fear, that they are not doing enough. Not living piously enough. Not evangelizing enough. Not spending enough time in prayer and Scripture. Not having theological arguments honed well enough. In one breath the pastor would say “you can’t do anything about whether you’re one of the elect or not, it’s all God’s decision if you are saved” and in the next would say “if you’re not doing X or Y or Z you should probably be worried about whether or not you’re actually one of God’s elect”.

Neo-Reformed guiding light John Piper is a sterling example of this sort of divinely-inspired angst. Listen to any sermon of his, read any book, watch any interview, and you will get the sense of a man who is driven with a wretched, endless anxiety about his relationship to God. He’s always on edge, always afraid that he (and by extension, you, his listener) might be knowingly or unknowingly Wasting Your Life or Wasting Your Cancer or wasting your Retirement or missing What Jesus Demands or not Delighting In God or not Desiring God enough. Joy comes with the companion fear that the joy might be misplaced or appreciated a little too much. There is very little chill or rest or peace or pleasure that comes across there.
And let’s face it, friends: if you take the evangelical teaching on eternal conscious torment seriously, it’s hard to see how you could not live that anxiously all the time. Is there even a minute chance that you, or someone you love, is going to experience ultimate torture for all eternity? How could that not make you anxious? How could you ever enjoy life?
My therapist likes to say that there are two basic types of religion: one that has a goal to control, and one who has a goal of life enhancement. It’s a sign of how steeped I was in anxious evangelicalism that I had a visceral reaction to “life enhancement” as a religious goal. Isn’t that self-centered? Wouldn’t that make God mad? Shouldn’t we be God-centered instead?
It took several years of detox under other Christian teachers to find that I could actually be a Christian with a level of peace and chill that seems more in line with what Jesus seemed to be hoping for his followers. It doesn’t include the fear that God is going to eternally torture anyone. It does allow me to think about sin, healing, forgiveness, and godliness in terms of how our behavior encourages or hampers human flourishing. Suddenly the Gospel feels like real “good news” - not in the “hey if you’re desperately lucky and get stuff right you might avoid eternal damnation but you’re not gonna be sure about that until you die” sense but in the “wow that makes me smile and breathe easier” sense.
Friends, if you find yourself in a church that stokes your anxiety about whether or not God loves and will accept you: it doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus came that we might have abundant life (which sounds an awful lot like “life enhancement”, now that I think about it), and gave us peace. Let’s not let anxious teaching rob that from us.
Image credit: Anxiety by Nick Youngson CC BY-SA 3.0 Alpha Stock Images
Sin as Debt: Thoughts after reading David Graeber's Debt: The First 5000 Years
I’ve been reading the anthropologist David Graeber’s book Debt: The First 5000 Years this week. It’s a remarkable and thought-provoking work. He frames up the topic by relating a conversation he once had with an attorney who worked on behalf of anti-poverty groups. When he described his own work toward relieving Third World debt, she was confounded. “But, they’d borrowed the money! Surely one has to pay one’s debts.” Graeber notes that, even in standard economic theory, this statement isn’t always true - a lender is expected to assume some level of risk, “because otherwise what reason would lenders have not to make a stupid loan?” “Surely one has to pay one’s debts,” Graeber observes, isn’t actually an economic statement.
Rather, it’s a moral statement. After all, isn’t paying one’s debts what morality is supposed to be all about? Giving people what is due them. Accepting one’s responsibilities. Fulfilling one’s obligations to others, just as one would expect them to fulfill their obligations to you. What could be a more obvious example of shirking one’s responsibilities than reneging on a promise, or refusing to pay a debt?
Graeber latches on to this connection between morality and debt, continuing:
If history shows anything, it is that there’s no better way to justify relations founded on violence, to make such relations seem moral, than by reframing them in the language of debt — above all, because it immediately makes it seem that it’s the victim who’s doing something wrong. Mafiosi understand this. So do the commanders of conquering armies. For thousands of years, violent men have been able to tell their victims that those victims owe them something. If nothing else, they “owe them their lives” (a telling phrase) because they haven’t been killed.
I’d recommend Graeber’s book even just as an economic treatise. He challenges the basic capitalist assumptions that we Westerns have been raised with and points toward other, better ideas. (First up, he suggests: a Biblical-style Year of Jubilee where debts are forgiven. But I digress.) But when Graeber starts talking about debt obligation as a moral question, my mind immediately went to theology.
He paid a debt He did not owe, I owed a debt I could not pay…
Within the Western church and especially among American Evangelicalism, the language of debt is inescapable. The essential message of salvation is framed up in just those terms: the sinner owing an infinite debt to God for offending God’s perfection; Jesus living perfectly and then dying to pay that debt on our behalf. So when Graeber devotes a chapter to “The Moral Ground of Economic Relations”, my ears perk up.
How do societies actually work?
First, he says, at the most basic level society functions on what he calls “baseline communism”:
the understanding that unless people consider themselves enemies, if the need is considered great enough, or the cost considered reasonable enough, the principle of “from each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs” will be assumed to apply.
This can be seen in the societal expectation for things as mundane as bumming a cigarette or asking for someone to pass the salt, and as great as the expectation that an able-bodied man will risk his life to save a child in peril. Society is based on this expectation of mutual contribution, he says, providing anthropological examples from cultures across the world to justify the claim. Relationships color our commercial exchanges, too - for example, merchants reducing prices for the needy.
This is one of the same reasons why shopkeepers in poor neighborhoods are almost never of the same ethnic group as their customers; it would be almost impossible for a merchant who grew up in the neighborhood to make money, as they would be under constant pressure to give financial breaks… to their impoverished relatives and school chums.
“Exchange… implies formal equality [between parties]… This is precisely why kings have such trouble with it.” It was about this point that my ears really perked up. “When objects of material wealth pass back and forth between superiors and inferiors as gifts or payments, the key principle seems to be that the sorts of things given on each side should be considered fundamentally different in quality, their relative value impossible to quantify — the result being that there is no way to even conceive of a squaring of accounts.” This rings true to how we talk about the debt of sin to God. But if squaring accounts with God is inconceivable, then how is it moral to even suggest that it is the sinner’s responsibility to do so, on pain of eternal damnation? Isn’t this argument, as Graeber described early on, the violent powerful party using the language of morality to convince the victim that they are the ones in the wrong?
What, then, is debt?
Graeber is answering this with economics in mind, but read this argument with soteriology in mind, too.
Debt is a very specific thing, and it arises from very specific situations. It first requires a relationship between two people who do not consider each other fundamentally different sorts of being, who are at least potential equals, who are equals in those ways that are really important, and who are not currently in a state of equality—but for whom there is some way to set matters straight.
If we accept Graeber’s definition here, it would be impossible for a human to be “in debt” to an omnipotent God for his sins, if only because God and the human are in no sense potential equals. He continues:
This means that there is no such thing as a genuinely unpayable debt. If there was no conceivable way to salvage the situation, we wouldn’t be calling it a “debt.”… This is what makes situations of effectively unpayable debt so difficult and so painful. Since creditor and debtor are ultimately equals, if the debtor cannot do what it takes to restore herself to equality, there is obviously something wrong with her; it must be her fault.
But aren’t all human interactions forms of exchange? Graeber says no, because many forms of human interaction are within in the framework of reciprocal relationship that glues our society together. Exchange is different:
…exchange implies equality, but it also implies separation. It’s precisely when the money changes hands, when the debt is canceled, that equality is restored and both parties can walk away and have nothing further to do with each other.
Debt is what happens in between: when the two parties cannot yet walk away from each other, because they are not yet equal. But it is carried out in the shadow of eventual equality. Because achieving that equality, however, destroys the very reason for having a relationship, just about everything interesting happens in between.
So once debts are resolved and the parties can walk away, what basis do we have for societal relationships? Graeber asks. As a preliminary answer, he quotes from 16th century monk François Rabelais’s book Gargantua and Pantagruel, where Pantagruel quotes the Apostle Paul: “owe no man anything, save mutual love and affection”— and the response to this freedom is genuine love and thanksgiving in return.
OK, Chris, where is all this going?
So, back to sin and salvation, humans and God. If Graeber is right here about debt and relationships, it doesn’t make sense for Christians to talk about sin as a debt owed to God. After all, we are not equals with God who just need to get our accounts balanced. The same evangelicals who would press hardest on our unpayable debt to God would also stress the infinite distinction between the omnipotent God and the miserable mortal creature. And if the payment of the debt then gives those equal parties the opportunity to “walk away”, with no further obligation to have a relationship, why would this paid-off state be desirable? In Graeber’s anthropological framework, God lording this debt of sin over pitiful humans is more akin to the vile Mafioso than a loving creator and savior.
At this point I would anticipate Evangelical readers to object that the “anthro” in Graeber’s expertise means “man”, and God isn’t man, and therefore this whole line of my reasoning is bunk. But I think we can do better than that. The Bible talks about God in human terms, using human analogies. So if this book that Christians profess as God-breathed uses human illustrations, we should evaluate them that way rather than just write them off when they don’t support our other theological assumptions.
A Better Metaphor
This post is already far too long, so let me just briefly suggest that a better metaphor for the problem of sin is the one our Orthodox brethren have proclaimed for centuries: sin as a disease that humans are unable to get rid of, and salvation the healing and cure. This metaphor better represents the actual dynamics of the God/human relationship. It establishes humans not as beings who must be failed and immoral because we just can’t manage to repay that debt, but as beloved children, stained and sick, who have a relationship permanently maintained by a loving parent who holds the cure.
…in the Orthodox model, sin is missing the mark; it is a distortion or a disease that needs therapy. Sin has no temporal and eternal debt per se, nor must it be “worked” off. One does not do “penance” in the Orthodox Church, but rather one seeks to be healed of their passions, their imperfections. Thus we use the language that compares the Church to a hospital and views sin in medical terms: sickness and cure. — Orthodox Catechism Project
This is really good news: that God loves us, calls us his children, and seeks to heal us of our compulsion to behave in ways that are not compatible with human flourishing.
Sharing my own music for the season: Carols for Christmas (piano instrumentals)
Hard to believe it’s been a dozen years since I recorded a set of Christmas carol piano instrumentals which I inventively titled Carols for Christmas. My audience has probably changed a bit since then, so it’s worth a re-post.

It’s just over 30 minutes worth of music, all piano versions of traditional Christmas carols. There’s not a lot in the way of production - I recorded them using my Casio midi controller keyboard in single takes in GarageBand and did a minimal amount of editing to remove the clunky notes. The perfectionist part of me wishes I had another 80 hours to really refine and polish the arrangements and recordings; the engineer in me declared “good enough”. The engineer won the debate.
If you maintain your own music library, you can download mp3s from Dropbox here. If YouTube is more your thing, here’s the YouTube playlist.
A few thoughts on formation
Sunday in an adult forum discussion at church we talked about how our theology is formed by prayer, and our prayer shaped by our singing, and today that leads me down the rabbit hole thinking about formation.
When I was in first grade my church started an AWANA program. Being the over-achieving type, I started with the kindergarten-level book, started memorizing bible verses, caught up the year I’d missed, and kept memorizing all the way through high school. I have written before about the misgivings I have about the way AWANA selectively chooses memory verses to push a specific theological perspective. But for better or worse, I was formed by those verses. They are phrases that immediately jump to mind in any appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate) situation. The beautiful cadences of the King James Version are forever burned into my neural pathways.
There were other formative works. As a tween I read the covers off the paperback box set of The Chronicles of Narnia. I was reminded of this last week on Thanksgiving when a friend’s daughter tried to pull a classic children’s prank on me. I really should’ve given her the joy of pulling one over on the old guy, but I’m too competitive for that, so instead of biting on the joke I gave a sideways answer, deflating her 10-year-old anticipation just a bit. Her mom then asked me what the discussion was about, and I related the story, chuckling “do you think I didn’t try that same prank when I was your age?” Immediately my friend spoke a line that reminded me that she, too, was formed by those books. “Do not cite the Deep Magic to me… I was there when it was written.” This is the power of formation. You don’t go searching for a line like that deep within your memory banks when it’s needed. It’s already so ingrained in your mind that it’s just the first, most natural thing to come out.
It need not be from sacred or serious sources. (I can’t hear someone say “bye, boys” without at least silently tagging on “Have fun storming the castle!”, nor can I hear someone say that they’ll “ping” someone without mentally following up “one ping only, please” in my best Connery-esque pseudo-Russian accent.) This brings me back to the prayer book.
I was first introduced to the Book of Common Prayer through Brian Zahnd and his prayer school. Brian is doing an interesting mix of evangelical, Pentecostal, contemplative, and traditional prayers within his prayer approach, and while I haven’t adopted it for the long term, it was my first taste of what my now-Episcopal self knows to be classic texts from the prayer book.
Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you, in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart; we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.
For the sake of your son Jesus Christ have mercy on us and forgive us, that we may delight i your will and walk in your ways to the glory of your name. Amen.
I remember coming upon those words for the very first time and thinking “wow, this is so beautifully… comprehensive”. It covers things clearly, specifically, with reference to scripture, without dropping down into excruciating detail about each individual sin… what a brilliant confession! Really wise words! Oh naive evangelical that I was, not knowing the riches shared by those who had gone before.
Over the past 18 months in the Episcopal church there are new words forming me.
We believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen…
It is good, and a right and joyful thing, always and everywhere, to give thanks to you, Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth…
The gifts of God for the people of God. Take them in remembrance that Christ died for you, and feed on him in your hearts by faith, with thanksgiving.
The body of Christ, the bread of heaven…
Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep….
As Rich Mullins said in an appropriately-named song: I did not make it—no, it is making me.
And I have now written an entire post about formation without even touching the topic of singing… that will have to keep for another time.

Marjorie May (Stepp) Hubbs Obituary
Posting from the original to ensure I have a permanent copy.
Marjorie May (Stepp) Hubbs, the youngest of five children, was born on May 31, 1930, in Clyde, Kansas, to John G. and Ruth A. (Ratcliff) Stepp.
Growing up, the family moved to several cities in Kansas: Loring, Hays, and Dorrance. While attending Dorrance High School, class of 1948, she met Lloyd Hubbs, and they were married on September 5, 1948, at the Lutheran Church of Dorrance.
The couple moved from Dorrance to Falls City, NE, Beatrice, and Tecumseh, NE, and then to Collinsville, OK, following Lloyd’s career in public utilities. After retiring, Lloyd and Marge moved to Springdale, AR, to be close to family.
Marge and Lloyd were active members of the local Lutheran Church wherever they lived. Marge loved her family, and spending time with them whenever possible was important to her. Living near David, Shelli, Cody, Bailea, and Jacob brought her great happiness. Earlier in her marriage, she worked a few varied jobs but was mainly a housewife and mother to her four children.
Marge enjoyed many hobbies and activities throughout her life. She enjoyed roller skating while younger in school, and then after marriage, she bowled for several years in a league. Another pastime over the years that she enjoyed was crafting and painting. She collected old glass jars, McDonald’s Happy Meal toys, and anything related to the McDonald’s restaurant. She was an avid reader, with westerns and books about prairie life among her favorites. She enjoyed watching and feeding birds with her many backyard feeders and growing flowers. While she said she wasn’t a very good card and game player, she played a good hand of cards.
In the golden years of retirement, she enjoyed the YMCA, water aerobics, garage sales, and flea markets. The last five years of her life were spent at Azalea Commons Assisted Living Center in Springdale, where she enjoyed visiting with her friends and playing bingo.
Marge is survived by her daughters Lou and husband Bob Maxson of Kearney, NE, Joy Hubbs of Springfield, MO, son David and wife Shelli of Springdale, AR. and daughter-in-law Marj Hubbs of Richland Center, WI. 10 grandchildren: Tom, Bill, Dana, Chris, Ryan, Aaron, Andrew, Rebecca, Cody, and Bailea. 11 great-grandchildren: Laura, Anwyn, Katie, Alex, Makayla, Abigail, Isaiah, Avery, Henry, Amelia, and Noah.
She is preceded in death by her parents, all her siblings, husband Lloyd, son Don, and great-grandson Burke Grette.
Cremation has taken place, and graveside services will be at a later date in Wilson, KS, at the Stepp family plot.